Online Dating

by Therese Ivers, JCL

Is online dating a legitimate tool for one’s vocational discernment?  I believe it is.  Here are some reflections on the online dating process.

1.  The pool for a potential spouse can be too small if you are in a small town with a handful (or less) of eligibles.  The pool can likewise be small in our current pattern of sequestered living in larger towns or cities.  Out of those thousands or millions of people in a city, how will you connect when you go to work (or school), come home, maybe participate in a group activity or two, and go to bed?  Your church only has a minuscule sliver of potentials, and ditto for most people’s workplace or campus (you work in a particular department and you go to class with a certain number of students).  You can be an island in the middle of large city particularly when your network is small or self restricted.  Online dating can open your horizons even in the same city.  Maybe that person is two churches down in the city.  Or maybe you will find someone who looks promising half the country away.

2.  Finding someone online is one thing.  Knowing how to prudently pursue or drop the online relationship is another skill to learn.  Dating in one’s own town poses certain risks and certain benefits.  Dating someone you’ve only met online also poses its own set of risks and benefits.  The prudent discerner will take the necessary precautions to minimize safety risks, and other risks associated with long distance courtship.

3.  Online dating is a tool.  It gives you the opportunity to initially connect with a potential spouse.  It is appropriate to use the tool as long as you realize that marriage requires extensive interaction that goes way beyond the virtual world of emailing, texting, skyping, and telephoning.  At some point, you have to have the one on one physical interactions of courtship to really know whether this is a relationship that should continue.

4.  What is said above applies to not only potential spouses, but dioceses, religious communities, secular institutes, and societies of apostolic life.  Most people flirt online with checking out diocesan vocations websites, websites hosted by secular institutes or religious communities, and may even have a digital relationship with the vocation director or members.  This is great, but this is only the first step.  Don’t waste your time or theirs when it’s time to take the plunge and see for yourself whether they are the right match for you. When you have exhausted the usefulness of virtual communications, or feel impelled to check the person or community further,  it’s time to make a decision- do I pursue this face to face or do I drop this and move on.  To do otherwise is an abuse of the process.

5.  Yes, there are risks involved in taking the plunge to go face to face.  That’s why this process is a process of discernment.  Good luck with your journey and God bless you.

(c) 2011 by Therese Ivers, JCL

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

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Book Review: The Foundations of Religious Life, Revisiting the Vision

by Therese Ivers, JCL

This book is a collection of 5 essays and a conclusion by different religious sisters who reflect on their vocation as women religious. It was written under the auspices of the Council of Major Superiors of Women Religious. As this is a collection of essays, I will briefly comment on each essay. Meanwhile, the book begins with discussing how religious life (particularly for active religious) for women began.

1. Religious Consecration- A Particular Form of Consecrated Life

This two-authored essay discusses things such as the meaning of the word “consecration”, the deepening of baptism through consecrated life and the origins of consecrated life. Also tackled are some distinctive characteristics of consecrated religious life such as its public witness, public vows, separation from the world, and community life. As this essay is in the Preview area of Amazon.com’s website (click on the link above to read this essay for free; if you like it and buy it, I do get a slight commission), I will not comment much upon this portion of the book except to note a couple of things which should be clarified.

In the section entitled Building Upon Baptism: Consecrated Life, pages 19 & 20, the authors could have done better in how they depicted other vocations in Consecrated Life. What they said is in black (I crossed out some of their actual words) and my comments are in blue:

For consecrated life may be lived in the lay state as an individual or within a secular institute, or as a vowed religious (this is true only when you look at the Church as a hierarchy; when looked at it in terms of states of life, the consecrated state is different than the lay state). In the (consecrated not) lay state, a call to consecration is expressed by the life of a virgin (dedicates) consecrates her virginity as a self-gift to God through the profession of a vow of virginity received by a bishop (and becomes a consecrated virgin by receiving the Solemn Consecration of Virgins conferred upon her by her Bishop), by a hermit dedicated to prayer in radical solitude, or by a lay man or woman (this is correct as non ordained members of secular institutes remain lay) who profeses promises in a secular institute and remains in the world as a hidden leaven through a discreet witness to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Consecrated life is also lived by those called to public vows and public witness to Christ and to the Church according to a specific charism in religious life characterized by separation from the world (proper to the institute) and a stable, form of life lived in common with one’s brothers or sisters… (Public witness is also proper to the Diocesan (Canon 603) Hermit and the Consecrated Virgin who is “constituted a sacred person” who are also in the consecrated state. )

2. The Spousal Bond

Sr. Paula Jean Miller, FSE, begins this essay with a question about whether the spousal bond of religious consecration which arises through profession of the vows is poetical, merely symbolic, analogous, or metaphorical. Unfortunately, she blurs the distinction between the vowed religious and the consecrated virgin by citing the Rite of Consecration of Virgins to back up her statement that “The Catholic tradition continues to maintain that the spousal bond at the heart of consecrated life is a living sign of this marital covenant between Christ the Bridegroom and his bride the Church.” The following three passages she quotes from the Ritual of a Consecration to a Life of Virginity are the heart of her argument for believing religious women are truly spouses of Christ. This is unacceptable because properly speaking, consecrated virginity is different in essence than religious vowed life. Consecrated virginity is spousal in essence and religious life is not. Perhaps Sister should have looked at the Rite for Religious Profession for Women which puts things into perspective for religious women as it has its emphasis on service and the evangelical counsels and only briefly references a spousal bond.

Again, in the section entitled Spousal Virginity Within Church Tradition, Sr. Miller once more fails to make necessary distinctions. Coming from a form of consecrated life in which the term “consecrated virginity” is currently understood in a broad, loose sense (because physical virginity is no longer required of religious women), she applies this to her description of virginity: “Virginity, as a consecration of body and soul to God, has been esteemed and reverenced since the earliest days of the Church…”. This description is missing one essential element, namely, that of genuine virginity on the part of the female virgin, which factual condition was presumed in most of the writings of the Fathers of the Church. The author’s theme of virginity carries on into a description of what she calls a double consecration: consecration and vows. The reader should understand her use of the word “virgin” to mean “chaste woman” and “virginity” to mean “chastity” because this “double consecration” only applies to vowed (religious, eremitic, or secular institute) life, not to the espousals of consecrated virginity.

The section on the development of the spousal identity of religious life is likewise lacking in clarity. In addition to mistakenly equating consecrated virginity to religious vowed life, the author throws into the mixture the traditional stages of the spiritual life in people which includes the “mystical betrothal” and “mystical marriage” stages. The mystical union of the spiritual life is not the same thing as a the spousal bond she is trying to describe of religious life, but is open to all Christians. In the remaining portions of her essay, the author continues her theme of vowed communal life and quotes from various Church documents on the value of the religious life commitment.

The question I would pose to Sr. Paula is whether she can explain why in addition to the Rite of Profession for Religious Women, certain women (virgin) religious have the privilege of receiving the Solemn Consecration of Virginity from their Bishop if (as she incorrectly assumes) religious profession automatically makes one a bride of Christ. Since she quotes from the Rite of the Consecration to a Life of Virginity, she should have some degree of familiarity with it. That being said, I myself will be discussing this very issue in my upcoming book on convents.

3. The Threefold Response of the Vows

Written by the Dominican, Sr. Mary Dominic Pitts, this reflection on the vows begins with a brief history of religious life, the calling of religious to deepen their baptismal commitment through vows. She then goes on to give a good explanation of the nature of a public vow in the context of the Church. Sister Mary Dominic then goes through each of the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience and gives a commentary on them.

4. Communion in Community

Sr. Mary Prudence Allen, RSM discusses how religious are to model “communion” because of their common life. She tackles what she lables as three errors in religious communal life: living like a democracy (without hierarchy), evolution (religious life changes in essence over time), and process (inability to make permanent vows because the person changes over time). The author touches upon Mary as being a guide for living in communion, the call of the religious to comunal life, the plan of formation of spiritual formation for religious, and other aspects of communal life and witness such as friendship and dialogue.

5. Evangelical Mission

This last essay is about how the religious continue the mission of Christ through the apostolate. Sr. M. Maximilia Um, FSGM, touches on how one can be said to “participate” in the mission of Christ, and makes many observations about the nature of mission. The mission of Christ, the Church, and the religious are covered briefly in this section of the book.

The conclusion of the book was co-authored by two sisters. In one section, the sisters try to understand the difference between religious consecration and the consecration of a member of a secular institute. They then delve into why the Council for Major Superiors of Women Religious (CMSWR)was founded.

For those serious in obtaining a greater understanding of the position of those communities aligned with the CMSWR and for their perspectives on the respective topics, I would recommend this book. I think it is best suited for those who are themselves religious and/or are grounded in the theology and law of consecrated life. Should you wish to order this book, you are welcome to order through this site and support our work by clicking below:

(c) 2010 by Therese Ivers, JCL
All Rights Reserved
www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

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Consecration Vs. Vow

Table of contents for Consecrated Virgins

  1. Consecrated Virgins Part I
  2. Consecrated Virgins Part II
  3. Consecration Vs. Vow

by Therese Ivers, JCL

Jane is a Catholic.  She marries Mark in the Church.  Later, they divorce.  Jane falls in love with David.  Jane wants to have children desperately and she is getting close to the age of riskier pregnancies.  Because she does not have a declaration of nullity from the Church (annulment), Jane decides to get married to David before the Justice of the Peace and worry about getting her marriage blessed in the Church later.  Jane and David have a miscarriage and then a daughter.  The sorrow and excitement distracted Jane from working on the annulment paperwork, but she finally got around to getting all the information put together and sent it to her parish priest.  After a year and a half, Jane learns that she received the annulment and can get married in the Church.  The way Jane sees it, she can now have God’s blessing called upon her wonderful marriage between her and David and she can now go back to Holy Communion.  She believes that the convalidation (wedding) ceremony in the Church is just a fancy way of having God recognize her marriage and bless it.

Unfortunately, Jane, like many other people in her situation, is quite mistaken in the matter.  She does not have a true marriage with David for God to bless in the convalidation ceremony.  Instead, she and David are coming before God to get married for the first time, she will change from a single woman and become a married woman, becoming two in one flesh.  Even though Jane was legally married to David, walking down the aisle with David to the altar, she was still single in the eyes of God (the annulment is a declaration that even though she thought she was married to Mark, she was still a single person).  When she came before the priest/deacon and exchanged her vows with David in the Church, she finally got married.  This is why God does not “bless” her supposedly already existing marriage.  There was no marriage to bless- it was being created!  Now the couple in the eyes of God are joined by a permanent bond which “no man shall sunder”.  Afterwards, the nuptial blessing can be given upon David and Jane.

Now, we have a similar situation for people who think that the ceremony of the Solemn Consecration of a Virgin Living in the World is a “blessing ceremony” upon the woman who is privately vowed to God.  In this erroneous view, God solidifies a virgin’s vow to perpetual virginity and blesses her already existing dedication/consecration to God within the ceremony.  The Bishop merely confirms her already existing espousals with Christ. The author of THIS article online assumes that it is the consecrated virgin who espouses herself to the Son of God by means of a private vow and then the consecration ceremony confirms and blesses this spiritual nuptials.  He writes that the consecration ceremony is an event in which “the virgin’s bond is confirmed and elevated by the church’s acceptance of it”.  This is false!  It is derived from the religious life paradigm of people who do make vows.

A virgin does present herself before the Bishop.  She may or may not be under a private vow of virginity.  This private vow does not make her a consecrated virgin bride of Christ any more than an engagement makes a couple married.  Yes, a private vow is a pledge of one’s celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom, but a male can make the same pledge of virginity.  If we were to have hold that a vow of chastity/virginity is what makes the consecrated virgin and that it is merely elevated and blessed by the Church in the Consecration ceremony, then males should be able to receive the consecration.  Yet, it is precisely because it is directly spousal that a man ontologically cannot be a consecrated virgin since he is male.

As mentioned before on this website, it is the consecration prayer that the bishop recites that creates consecrated virgin’s unique and directly spousal bond with Christ!  Unlike the vowed celibate in general, who can be male or female, consecrated virgins are female and this is part and parcel of “consecrated virginity”.  The ceremony does not recognize or bless her supposed already existing but lesser form of  “marriage” with Christ as a consecrated virgin because until the consecration prayer, that distinct and substantially different spousal bond did not exist.  That special charism and outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon the virgin creating her a bride of Christ specifically as a consecrated virgin occurs in the Consecration Prayer.  Until then, she is a lady, dedicated to serving the Lord in virginity (if she has retained her primary virginity) but she does not have that distinct charismatic spousal bond.  Although the author makes some excellent points in his article, he fails to mention that primary virginity is required to be a “consecrated virgin” in the strict sense (not in the loose sense of being a celibate religious or lay woman with a private vow of virginity).

(c) 2010 by Therese Ivers, JCL

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Consecrated or Lay?

by Therese Ivers, JCL

St. Therese
St. Therese, Virgin and Doctor

St. Therese of Lisieux is my patron saint.  I celebrate her feast day as my name day every October 1st.

The Little Flower has been an inspiration to me in many ways.  This devout, pious laywoman lived in a convent from the age of 15 to 24, where she died of TB.  Life in the convent was very hard.  Her fellow sisters, also very devout laywomen, with their own gifts and personality quirks, did not always understand her very well and the saint suffered as a result.  St. Therese loved her vocation.  She loved being a pious laywoman who recited the Divine Office, prayed and lived in common with the other sisters, and she kept her religious vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience with assiduous care.  The Lord guided her on the path to holiness in the midst of her humble occupations within the convent.  Prior to her death, she wrote an autobiography which has transformed the world.  Eventually, this work and its influence helped her become the 33rd Doctor of the Universal Church, a great honor for this religious laywoman.

I hope that people reading the above paragraph reacted in dismay because I called the Little Flower a pious laywoman even though she was a religious nun with solemn vows.  Why did I call her a pious laywoman?  I called her a laywoman for the exact same reason that people call consecrated virgins laywomen, which is because in a sense she was a lay person (non-ordained so she was not in the hierarchy).  There are, as I have mentioned before, two ways of looking at the Church.  One is dividing the Church according to hierarchy (lay vs. ordained).

Now we know that religious men and women (publicly vowed members of diocesan right or pontifical right institutes of consecrated life) are in the consecrated state.  This is because the other way of dividing the Church is by doing so into vocational states (lay vs. hierarchy vs. consecrated).  “In itself, the state of consecrated life is neither clerical nor lay (canon 588).”  St. Therese was in the consecrated state.  In this view, then, she was neither clerical nor lay.  She was in the consecrated life. Therefore, it is not entirely correct to write that she was a “pious laywoman” when describing the time she was in the convent, because in the strict charismatic sense in the Church, she was in a state that was different from the laity’s.

That being said, I’d like to draw your attention to this sentence, which I found describing consecrated virgins, “Single lay people have chosen to be consecrated virgins and have made private vows in the presence of the local bishop as they lived out their vocation in various walks of life.”  Consecrated virgins are not laywomen.  They are not “single lay people”.  Yes, they were single lay women before their consecration, just as the Little Flower was a single lay woman before she professed her vows in Carmel.  Once consecrated by her bishop, the consecrated virgin is no more a pious laywoman than the Little Flower.  Also, just as a reminder, consecrated virgins do not make private vows in the presence of the local bishop, they are consecrated brides of Christ through the ministry of the Bishop.  They do not make vows of any kind.

Men and women who are members of a diocesan or pontifical right institute of consecrated life (religious) are in the consecrated state.  Female virgins who have received the consecration of virgins (whether in the world or as nuns) from their bishop are in the consecrated state.  Diocesan hermits who have professed poverty, chastity, and obedience in the hands of their bishop are in the consecrated state.  Members of other forms of life are NOT in the consecrated state.  They are, therefore, either lay or ordained.

There is only one form of “consecrated laity”.  Consecrated laypersons are non ordained men and women members of Secular Institutes who take vows or promises of poverty, chastity and obedience.  All other lay persons in other groups and organizations remain lay, without consecration.  Some groups label their men or women members who have commitments to living out poverty, chastity, and obedience, as “consecrated” members.  This is incorrect.  They are no more consecrated than any other lay person if they are not religious, diocesan hermit, consecrated virgin, or member of a secular institute.

Anyone trying to say that members of an organization that is not a diocesan right or pontifical right religious community (who belong to the consecrated state) or of the only way of life that is “consecrated laity” (secular institutes who have semi-public vows but the non-ordained members remain lay), is incorrect.  I have recently read a convoluted argument from a pious group which is facing a Vatican investigation that claims that they are “consecrated” even though they are a collection of lay persons.  In a nutshell, because they are not a diocesan/pontifical right institute of religious life nor a secular institute, they have no right to collectively call their members with promises, “consecrated”.

(c) 2010 by Therese Ivers, JCL

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

All rights reserved.

Posted in Consecrated Life, Consecrated Virgins, Hermits, Religious, Religious Life, Secular Institutes, single life | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Disbanded by the Archbishop’s Orders: The Intercessors of the Lamb

by Therese Ivers, JCL

One of the purposes of this website is to give tools to those discerning their vocation to help enable them to make an informed decision.  I have not been posting on this site too often lately because I have been focusing on writing a book for those thinking about the religious life.  This book is about the nuts and bolts of evaluating a prospective convent/abbey/monastery as a possible “fit” for oneself.  While I have drafted what I think is a catchy title for this book, I think about it in terms of “the good, the bad, and the ugly of religious life”.  Why?  Because in looking at a community, one must often use a similar technique that one would use in being prudent about a potential spouse.  By knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly about many marriages, one can learn to evaluate the possible compatibility of another human being as a prospective spouse.  Now, my book has (at the moment) nothing to do directly with the Intercessors of the Lamb.  However, part of what I am trying to do is alert people to important aspects of community life which may be disruptive or injurious to one’s own well-being because certain “red flags” were ignored, and I think that while these things will be covered in great detail in my upcoming guide, some of the problems which were highlighted before the suppression of the Intercessors of the Lamb can furnish some food for thought for those discerning religious life in the meantime.

The lay association called the Intercessors of the Lamb (IOL) had contacted the Archdiocese of Omaha to see if they could take the next step in reaching a more serious level of canonical standing within the Church.  As a Public Association of the Faithful, the Intercessors of the Lamb in the Church were like a civil corporation within the US- they were a group with a common identity, written statutes, a board, etc.  They wanted to go beyond simple  “incorporation” in the Church and become a recognized institute or society that lived a consecrated lifestyle in the Church.  However, the canon lawyer who was hired by the Archbishop to evaluate the community’s readiness to take the next step found that there were serious problems within the community.  Shortly after an attempt was made to begin addressing these problems by putting in place a new “superior”, the group was officially disbanded because the lay board of the community refused to cooperate with the Archbishop of Omaha.  Of course, hindsight is often 20/20, but I would like to point out some of the things an informed discerner could have looked out for if he or she had been seriously considering joining the Intercessors of the Lamb.

Reasons Why Knowing the Canonical Status of a Community is Important

1.  Only members of Diocesan-right or Pontifical-Right Religious Institutes are religious and enjoy the rights of religious and the obligations of religious.  Vowed members of such Religious Institutes are in the consecrated state.  The Intercessors of the Lamb, contrary to popular opinion, were NEVER a religious institute and its members were not in the consecrated state.  “Consecrated” or vowed Members had some of the trappings of religious life:  a habit, vows, chapel, statutes, etc., but they were not recognized in the Church as true religious.  Why?  Because they were in the more risky (to discerners) stage of being a Public Association of the Faithful.  While they had the intention and hope of eventually following some kind of consecrated lifestyle in a form approved by the Church, the Intercessors of the Lamb had the same status as any other Public Association of the Faithful (think Legion of Mary, Worldwide Marriage Encounter, etc.).  A good percentage of Public Associations of the Faithful who wish to become a Religious Institute or evolve into a Secular Institute or a Society of Apostolic Life simply fold, fizzle out, are suppressed, or disintegrate for a variety of reasons.  Oftentimes, it is because there are unhealthy practices within the community, shady financial practices, personality struggles, etc.  The bottom line is that even people with vows in a Public Association of the Faithful remain lay (if non-ordained) because they are not in a Religious Institute.

2.  A good percentage of Public Associations of the Faithful who desire to evolve into a recognized form of consecrated life fold.  This can have a detrimental effect to your livelihood and future if you were to join one and it was disbanded or the leaders ran off with the money or the superior kicks you out because you have a personality clash.  Please understand that the Archdiocese of Omaha is being extraordinarily helpful to the former members of the now suppressed IOL.  Since the members were NOT religious, the Archdiocese was not obligated in law to provide for the material needs of the ex-members any more than a diocese would be obligated to support (for a time) an ex-member of the Legion of Mary or Knights of Columbus.  (As a side note, I find it quite interesting and perhaps not entirely coincidental that it was the “lay” branch that controlled the finances (all of the group was lay, but the “lay” branch indicated by the news probably refers to the associated members who did not take the private vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience) that was the portion of the IOL that refused to cooperate with the Archbishop.  It was those members who had donated their money before entering with their private vows who suffered from their private vow of poverty as a result.)  The moral of the story for discerners who are thinking about joining a community that wants to be a religious institute  or live a consecrated lifestyle eventually is that the aid given to the ex-members of the IOL by the Archdiocese is extraordinary.  Finances are usually tight for start-up groups, and if you leave or it disintegrates or is suppressed, you can usually count on being practically on the street with little or no money to restart your life.  Let me say this again.  Even with established religious Orders, ex-members have been known to have been given a plane ticket and $250-$500 to begin anew.  I suppose that’d buy you a tent and a suit for job interviews but little else.  Have no family?  That’s just your tough luck.  Perhaps a homeless shelter will take care of you until you get on your feet.

Coming Next:  Why Canonist Pete Vere’s signs could have been helpful for the person who was discerning the IOL. As I am planning a series on the Intercessors, if you have any questions or comments about Public Associations of the Faithful or the suppressed Intercessors of the Lamb, please feel free to comment on these posts or use the contact us form.

(C) 2010 by Therese Ivers, JCL

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

Posted in Canonical Requirements, Consecrated Life, Discernment, private vow, Religious, vocations, Vows | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment