(c) 2009 by Therese Ivers, JCL

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

1^st Mistake – Choosing A Director With A Strong Bias Towards A Particular Way Of Life Or Spirituality

When Susie approaches her spiritual director who happens to be a Sister, she has the right to expect that this Sister will help her discern her vocation without pressuring Susie to join her religious institute. The primary purpose of a spiritual director is to help an individual to recognize and respond to the guidance of the Holy Spirit whether or not it benefits the spiritual director and his/her own institute directly. It would be nice to say that all spiritual directors and those giving advice on spiritual matters recognized and followed this principle of being fair, balanced, and not acting on a pre-set agenda, but this is not the case.

It is a well known fact that many discerners feel a certain amount of pressure to follow in the footsteps of their mentors. If Susie is talking to a Penitention Sister, then the pressure would normally be for her to join the Penitention. Or if Susie is corresponding with a cloistered Sister, then it is natural for most cloistered Sisters to invite her – perhaps strongly – to consider joining the cloister. While some consideration of the mentor’s institute is probably in order, there shouldn’t be an excessive amount of pressure to do so.

The best thing for Susie to do is to choose someone who will give her unbiased advice for her vocation journey. She can choose to have her director from a particular religious institute, but she should be aware of the danger of being persuaded or influenced to join that institute regardless of whether it is her true calling or not. Of course, not all religious, priests, or consecrated persons will give blatantly biased suggestions to follow their particular form of life, but it is a danger of which one should be aware.

2^nd Mistake – Not Selecting A Suitable Guide As One’s Spiritual Director

Each person is gifted with different talents and abilities. Today we have the problem that very few people are equipped to be a solid spiritual director. This has been an age old problem, and one that probably will continue into the foreseeable future. Why is this?

Well, there are a lot of things a good spiritual director will know that the general population, including most priests, do not know, because spiritual direction goes beyond confessional material. In addition, the personal holiness of the spiritual director can greatly affect the general course of the direction given.

The question of how to discern a good spiritual director is important because one’s immortal soul is at stake. One of the old maxims is that just as the father is to the son, so is the spiritual director to the directee. If the spiritual director is not competent, then one’s soul or at least one’s progress in the way of Divine love can be greatly harmed.

While there is plenty of advice for people to get spiritual directors when discerning a vocation, there is little out there of practical value to show what to look for in a spiritual director. The best book in my opinion on how to get a good spiritual director is written by a Marist, Fr. Thomas Dubay called Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within. I consider this book to be very useful for finding and evaluating spiritual directors and one of the few indispensable items in a Catholic bookshelf.

3^rd Mistake – Letting The Spiritual Director Make All The Decisions

A spiritual director’s role is assist a person in discerning the will of God. Usually the spiritual director’s advice should be followed although there is a time and a place for raising possible objections to some advice that is offered. When it comes to discerning a vocation, or even making other decisions, it can be tempting for a person to just leave it up to a spiritual director to make the final decision. Such a practice, however, can be gravely injurious to the welfare of the discerner and is unfair to the director.

Generally speaking, only a mature person should attempt to discern his vocation. If a person is mature (age is only a slight factor in the degree of maturity in today’s world), God expects such a person to take personal responsibility for his actions. This includes deciding what path in life to take after careful consideration and prayer.

A spiritual director should be able to help point out what God may be calling the directee to, but since the spiritual director is not the directee, the spiritual director has no way of knowing the inmost heart of the directee. This is why any vocational advice should be seen in the light of advice and not in the light of it being totally God’s will simply because it comes from the lips of the director.

4^th Mistake – Choosing A Spiritual Director With A Faulty Understanding Of Vocations

Today if you wanted to become a diocesan hermit there would be very few individuals who understand the vocation sufficiently to be of assistance in your discernment process. In fact, the eremitic vocation is so rare that it is misunderstood by many people, including a large number of spiritual directors. If you are discerning your vocation, it is important that your spiritual director have a proper understanding of the vocations open to you and be able to give you wise counsel regarding them.

Since a vocational choice is often a life long choice, it is extremely important that both you and your spiritual director have an understanding of your vocational options in the Church. This understanding needs to be aligned with the Church’s teaching, especially when connect to issues such as the doctrine concerning the impossibility of women’s ordinations, etc.

5^th Mistake – A Lack Of Honesty And Transparency With One’s Spiritual Director

When discussing your vocational discernment with a spiritual director, a particularly critical aspect of your conversation is a fundamental honesty where you speak from the heart to your director. While in theory this can sound easy, it can be difficult sometimes to voice your inmost concerns, reservations, or attractions when exploring a possible path in life. Even if an objection or attraction does not seem too important, it can be a crucial point in authentic discernment.

One advantage a guide enjoys is that he can be more objective in giving advice since he is not swayed by the same emotions and desires the discerner is experiencing. However, this advantage can only happen when the directee is truly honest about his needs, desires, fears, etc.

This honesty is more difficult and all the more to be practiced when the discerner is emotionally entangled with another of the opposite sex or a particular institute or form of life. It is easy to stifle genuine doubts of the suitability of choosing a person as a spouse when the emotions run high and this is the most critical time for balanced, objective advice.

© 2008 by Therese Ivers and www.doihaveavocation.com

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