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Online Dating

Therese Ivers, JCL — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 00:31:44 +0000

by Therese Ivers, JCL

Is online dating a legitimate tool for one’s vocational discernment? I believe it is. Here are some reflections on the online dating process.

1. The pool for a potential spouse can be too small if you are in a small town with a handful (or less) of eligibles. The pool can likewise be small in our current pattern of sequestered living in larger towns or cities. Out of those thousands or millions of people in a city, how will you connect when you go to work (or school), come home, maybe participate in a group activity or two, and go to bed? Your church only has a minuscule sliver of potentials, and ditto for most people’s workplace or campus (you work in a particular department and you go to class with a certain number of students). You can be an island in the middle of large city particularly when your network is small or self restricted. Online dating can open your horizons even in the same city. Maybe that person is two churches down in the city. Or maybe you will find someone who looks promising half the country away.

2. Finding someone online is one thing. Knowing how to prudently pursue or drop the online relationship is another skill to learn. Dating in one’s own town poses certain risks and certain benefits. Dating someone you’ve only met online also poses its own set of risks and benefits. The prudent discerner will take the necessary precautions to minimize safety risks, and other risks associated with long distance courtship.

3. Online dating is a tool. It gives you the opportunity to initially connect with a potential spouse. It is appropriate to use the tool as long as you realize that marriage requires extensive interaction that goes way beyond the virtual world of emailing, texting, skyping, and telephoning. At some point, you have to have the one on one physical interactions of courtship to really know whether this is a relationship that should continue.

4. What is said above applies to not only potential spouses, but dioceses, religious communities, secular institutes, and societies of apostolic life. Most people flirt online with checking out diocesan vocations websites, websites hosted by secular institutes or religious communities, and may even have a digital relationship with the vocation director or members. This is great, but this is only the first step. Don’t waste your time or theirs when it’s time to take the plunge and see for yourself whether they are the right match for you. When you have exhausted the usefulness of virtual communications, or feel impelled to check the person or community further, it’s time to make a decision- do I pursue this face to face or do I drop this and move on. To do otherwise is an abuse of the process.

5. Yes, there are risks involved in taking the plunge to go face to face. That’s why this process is a process of discernment. Good luck with your journey and God bless you.

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

Consecrated or Lay?

Therese Ivers, JCL — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 21:54:57 +0000

by Therese Ivers, JCL

St. Therese, Virgin and Doctor

St. Therese of Lisieux is my patron saint. I celebrate her feast day as my name day every October 1st.

The Little Flower has been an inspiration to me in many ways. This devout, pious laywoman lived in a convent from the age of 15 to 24, where she died of TB. Life in the convent was very hard. Her fellow sisters, also very devout laywomen, with their own gifts and personality quirks, did not always understand her very well and the saint suffered as a result. St. Therese loved her vocation. She loved being a pious laywoman who recited the Divine Office, prayed and lived in common with the other sisters, and she kept her religious vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience with assiduous care. The Lord guided her on the path to holiness in the midst of her humble occupations within the convent. Prior to her death, she wrote an autobiography which has transformed the world. Eventually, this work and its influence helped her become the 33rd Doctor of the Universal Church, a great honor for this religious laywoman.

I hope that people reading the above paragraph reacted in dismay because I called the Little Flower a pious laywoman even though she was a religious nun with solemn vows. Why did I call her a pious laywoman? I called her a laywoman for the exact same reason that people call consecrated virgins laywomen, which is because in a sense she was a lay person (non-ordained so she was not in the hierarchy). There are, as I have mentioned before, two ways of looking at the Church. One is dividing the Church according to hierarchy (lay vs. ordained).

Now we know that religious men and women (publicly vowed members of diocesan right or pontifical right institutes of consecrated life) are in the consecrated state. This is because the other way of dividing the Church is by doing so into vocational states (lay vs. hierarchy vs. consecrated). “In itself, the state of consecrated life is neither clerical nor lay (canon 588).” St. Therese was in the consecrated state. In this view, then, she was neither clerical nor lay. She was in the consecrated life. Therefore, it is not entirely correct to write that she was a “pious laywoman” when describing the time she was in the convent, because in the strict charismatic sense in the Church, she was in a state that was different from the laity’s.

That being said, I’d like to draw your attention to this sentence, which I found describing consecrated virgins, “Single lay people have chosen to be consecrated virgins and have made private vows in the presence of the local bishop as they lived out their vocation in various walks of life.” Consecrated virgins are not laywomen. They are not “single lay people”. Yes, they were single lay women before their consecration, just as the Little Flower was a single lay woman before she professed her vows in Carmel. Once consecrated by her bishop, the consecrated virgin is no more a pious laywoman than the Little Flower. Also, just as a reminder, consecrated virgins do not make private vows in the presence of the local bishop, they are consecrated brides of Christ through the ministry of the Bishop. They do not make vows of any kind.

Men and women who are members of a diocesan or pontifical right institute of consecrated life (religious) are in the consecrated state. Female virgins who have received the consecration of virgins (whether in the world or as nuns) from their bishop are in the consecrated state. Diocesan hermits who have professed poverty, chastity, and obedience in the hands of their bishop are in the consecrated state. Members of other forms of life are NOT in the consecrated state. They are, therefore, either lay or ordained.

There is only one form of “consecrated laity”. Consecrated laypersons are non ordained men and women members of Secular Institutes who take vows or promises of poverty, chastity and obedience. All other lay persons in other groups and organizations remain lay, without consecration. Some groups label their men or women members who have commitments to living out poverty, chastity, and obedience, as “consecrated” members. This is incorrect. They are no more consecrated than any other lay person if they are not religious, diocesan hermit, consecrated virgin, or member of a secular institute.

Anyone trying to say that members of an organization that is not a diocesan right or pontifical right religious community (who belong to the consecrated state) or of the only way of life that is “consecrated laity” (secular institutes who have semi-public vows but the non-ordained members remain lay), is incorrect. I have recently read a convoluted argument from a pious group which is facing a Vatican investigation that claims that they are “consecrated” even though they are a collection of lay persons. In a nutshell, because they are not a diocesan/pontifical right institute of religious life nor a secular institute, they have no right to collectively call their members with promises, “consecrated”.

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

Disbanded by the Archbishop’s Orders: The Intercessors of the Lamb

Therese Ivers, JCL — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 23:46:06 +0000

by Therese Ivers, JCL

One of the purposes of this website is to give tools to those discerning their vocation to help enable them to make an informed decision. I have not been posting on this site too often lately because I have been focusing on writing a book for those thinking about the religious life. This book is about the nuts and bolts of evaluating a prospective convent/abbey/monastery as a possible “fit” for oneself. While I have drafted what I think is a catchy title for this book, I think about it in terms of “the good, the bad, and the ugly of religious life”. Why? Because in looking at a community, one must often use a similar technique that one would use in being prudent about a potential spouse. By knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly about many marriages, one can learn to evaluate the possible compatibility of another human being as a prospective spouse. Now, my book has (at the moment) nothing to do directly with the Intercessors of the Lamb. However, part of what I am trying to do is alert people to important aspects of community life which may be disruptive or injurious to one’s own well-being because certain “red flags” were ignored, and I think that while these things will be covered in great detail in my upcoming guide, some of the problems which were highlighted before the suppression of the Intercessors of the Lamb can furnish some food for thought for those discerning religious life in the meantime.

The lay association called the Intercessors of the Lamb (IOL) had contacted the Archdiocese of Omaha to see if they could take the next step in reaching a more serious level of canonical standing within the Church. As a Public Association of the Faithful, the Intercessors of the Lamb in the Church were like a civil corporation within the US- they were a group with a common identity, written statutes, a board, etc. They wanted to go beyond simple “incorporation” in the Church and become a recognized institute or society that lived a consecrated lifestyle in the Church. However, the canon lawyer who was hired by the Archbishop to evaluate the community’s readiness to take the next step found that there were serious problems within the community. Shortly after an attempt was made to begin addressing these problems by putting in place a new “superior”, the group was officially disbanded because the lay board of the community refused to cooperate with the Archbishop of Omaha. Of course, hindsight is often 20/20, but I would like to point out some of the things an informed discerner could have looked out for if he or she had been seriously considering joining the Intercessors of the Lamb.

Reasons Why Knowing the Canonical Status of a Community is Important

1. Only members of Diocesan-right or Pontifical-Right Religious Institutes are religious and enjoy the rights of religious and the obligations of religious. Vowed members of such Religious Institutes are in the consecrated state. The Intercessors of the Lamb, contrary to popular opinion, were NEVER a religious institute and its members were not in the consecrated state. “Consecrated” or vowed Members had some of the trappings of religious life: a habit, vows, chapel, statutes, etc., but they were not recognized in the Church as true religious. Why? Because they were in the more risky (to discerners) stage of being a Public Association of the Faithful. While they had the intention and hope of eventually following some kind of consecrated lifestyle in a form approved by the Church, the Intercessors of the Lamb had the same status as any other Public Association of the Faithful (think Legion of Mary, Worldwide Marriage Encounter, etc.). A good percentage of Public Associations of the Faithful who wish to become a Religious Institute or evolve into a Secular Institute or a Society of Apostolic Life simply fold, fizzle out, are suppressed, or disintegrate for a variety of reasons. Oftentimes, it is because there are unhealthy practices within the community, shady financial practices, personality struggles, etc. The bottom line is that even people with vows in a Public Association of the Faithful remain lay (if non-ordained) because they are not in a Religious Institute.

2. A good percentage of Public Associations of the Faithful who desire to evolve into a recognized form of consecrated life fold. This can have a detrimental effect to your livelihood and future if you were to join one and it was disbanded or the leaders ran off with the money or the superior kicks you out because you have a personality clash. Please understand that the Archdiocese of Omaha is being extraordinarily helpful to the former members of the now suppressed IOL. Since the members were NOT religious, the Archdiocese was not obligated in law to provide for the material needs of the ex-members any more than a diocese would be obligated to support (for a time) an ex-member of the Legion of Mary or Knights of Columbus. (As a side note, I find it quite interesting and perhaps not entirely coincidental that it was the “lay” branch that controlled the finances (all of the group was lay, but the “lay” branch indicated by the news probably refers to the associated members who did not take the private vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience) that was the portion of the IOL that refused to cooperate with the Archbishop. It was those members who had donated their money before entering with their private vows who suffered from their private vow of poverty as a result.) The moral of the story for discerners who are thinking about joining a community that wants to be a religious institute or live a consecrated lifestyle eventually is that the aid given to the ex-members of the IOL by the Archdiocese is extraordinary. Finances are usually tight for start-up groups, and if you leave or it disintegrates or is suppressed, you can usually count on being practically on the street with little or no money to restart your life. Let me say this again. Even with established religious Orders, ex-members have been known to have been given a plane ticket and $250-$500 to begin anew. I suppose that’d buy you a tent and a suit for job interviews but little else. Have no family? That’s just your tough luck. Perhaps a homeless shelter will take care of you until you get on your feet.

Coming Next: Why Canonist Pete Vere’s signs could have been helpful for the person who was discerning the IOL. As I am planning a series on the Intercessors, if you have any questions or comments about Public Associations of the Faithful or the suppressed Intercessors of the Lamb, please feel free to comment on these posts or use the contact us form.

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

St. Teresa of the Andes & Chapel Rats

Therese Ivers, JCL — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 18:52:32 +0000

by Therese Ivers, JCL

One day, as I was helping out a friend in the sacristy, she mentioned something about “the chapel rats”. My friend was not referring to rats scurrying about – for as far as I know, there were none in the building. Rather, she was talking about those who spend practically all their time in the chapel, every day, in the mistaken notion that it is more holy to spend one’s life in the chapel or one one’s knees rather than to lead a balanced lifestyle. This tends to be a common error in those discerning their vocations.

People who are single who are discerning their vocations should pray, yes. Prayer is very good thing. But to spend 4, 5 hours a day in the church, working at a job, and then spending another hour or two on spiritual reading and research on communities or charisms each day is usually unwise. Why? Because the laity have a special mission in the world. They should participate in a prudent manner in the civic, social, family, and spiritual spheres. Volunteering, political activism (even just folding envelopes), building family and social ties, getting enough exercise, healthy meals, etc. are proper activities for those who are free from community or spousal ties. These should all have a slot on a single person’s calendar.

The role of the laity is to be beacons of light in the world. Lay persons, especially singles, whether they are minors or whether they are working adults, should live out their state in life according to their circumstances. In certain areas, it may be too dangerous for a young, single woman to minister directly to the homeless. But surely she can help someone learn to read or volunteer for a day to bring meals to a family in need or do some work of corporal or spiritual work of charity. A man might consider helping out single mothers with repairs around the house (observing all proprieties) or doing a spiritual or corporal work of mercy on a regular basis or as they are called for.

The single person should not forget that he/she is a human being. Having appropriate hobbies, growing in knowledge, interacting with other people and families, participating in cultural enrichment activities, etc. is an integral part of developing one’s humanity. Of course, a person might object, “I’m discerning a vocation! I’m in a different situation than other singles. I need to be holy and learn what God is calling me to. It’s a waste of time to be normal and participate in all these ‘worldly’ activities!”

Again, it is extremely important that the single person pray, do a daily examination of conscience, go to Mass frequently, etc. However, the Church reminds us that the laity have a mission in the world. If you don’t know where you are being called whether by vow, ordination, or consecration, the holy thing and proper thing to do is to live your state in life well and fully. Even if you know you’re being called to the ordained life or consecrated life or marriage, for now you are still single and lay!

Is it too “worldly” to be active in politics, volunteerism, etc.? Will it make a person less “holy”? Will it distract me from God? The answer to this question is that if these activities are done well, prudently, and in accordance with one’s path as discerned in the concrete circumstances of life, they should help the person to grow in holiness, their humanity, and happiness.

To my mind, St. Teresa of the Andes is a perfect “modern” example of how holiness can be found in every day life. Most of St. Teresa’s life was lived as a lay person. She was great at sports, loved airplanes, went horseback riding, went to the opera, played the piano, took care of a poor orphan, lived a social life… and yet, she was extremely holy! It was only the last 11 months of her life that she became a nun. She agonized over her discernment – like so many people do today. She didn’t know which order she was called to. But, while she was discerning and growing up, she lived a normal lifestyle for the people in her family situation. Yes, she prayed, prayed intensely, but she also partied. She was a lay woman, and she was very holy.

It is because I think St. Teresa of the Andes is an attractive, easy to relate to saint, that I spent quite a bit of time contacting people in Chile, EWTN, and other places to see how the TV series on her life could be republished on VHS or DVD a couple years ago. This series is one of my favorite movies because it shows how a person can be normal and holy and that a holy person is surrounded by the same problems everyone else is. To my great delight, I just discovered that Ignatius Press has released the series in DVD format. If you wish to help support the work of this website, you can order this set below by clicking on the picture:

Public, Semi-Public, and Private Vows and Promises

Therese Ivers, JCL — Sun, 24 May 2009 21:37:55 +0000

By Therese Ivers

One of the most frequent topics people discerning their vocation have several questions about is on vows and promises. As most people enter their vocation by means of a vow or vows, this topic is of great importance.

To begin with, all Catholics by virtue of their baptismal promises, have the obligation of rejecting sin, refusing to be mastered by sin, rejecting satan, and living out the teachings of the Catholic Church. All Catholics by virtue of their baptism, are called to strive for holiness in a manner consistent with their state in life.

Some people, perhaps the majority of people, are called to live out the general call or vocation to holiness by embracing a specific way of life through means of vow/promise, ordination, or consecration. This can be described as following a “call within the call”, or as more commonly called, following a “vocation”. It is this sense of a call to a specific way of life that the word “vocation” will be used in this article.

Vocations Entered by Public Vow(s)

Marriage and religious life are entered by means of public vow(s). In marriage, each of the (baptized) couple are the ministers of the sacrament of matrimony and by exchanging vows, enter a lifelong relationship as spouses and become “two in one flesh”. Religious profess vows to God according to their constitutions/statutes which specify how the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience are to be led. Diocesan hermits have the option of entering their state by vowing the three evangelical counsels by public vow, or they may choose to make public promises.

Vocation Entered by Public Promise(s)

Diocesan hermits have the option of professing public promises rather than public promises. They promise by means of a promise or sacred bond to follow the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience according to their rule of life.

Vocation Entered by Semi-Public Vow(s)/Promises

Members of secular institutes vow or promise the three evangelical counsels by means of semi-public vows.

Vocation Entered by Ordination in Conjunction with Public Promises

During the Rite of Ordination, those entering Orders promise obedience, and some promise celibacy.

Some Common Elements of Public and Semi-Public Vows and Promises:

Discernment is two-sided. In marriage, it is the other individual who discerns whether to accept marriage vows. It is the Church that discerns through the bishop – or legitimate authority in the different forms of consecrated life or secular institute – whether to accept vows/promises in the name of God and His Church.
Public/semi-public vows and promises either constitute a person into a formal vocation recognized in the Church, or are an important element of that way of life (such as in holy orders).
New public obligations and rights are assumed by the person making the vows/promises which flow from the nature of the vocation being entered into.

Private Vows and Promises

What is a private vow or promise? The Catechism of the Catholic Church states the following about vows:

In many circumstances, the Christian is called to make promises to God. Baptism and Confirmation, Matrimony and Holy Orders always entail promises. Out of personal devotion, the Christian may also promise to God this action, that prayer, this alms-giving, that pilgrimage, and so forth. Fidelity to promises made to God is a sign of the respect owed to the divine majesty and of love for a faithful God.

“A vow is a deliberate and free promise made to God concerning a possible and better good which must be fulfilled by reason of the virtue of religion,” A vow is an act of devotion in which the Christian dedicates himself to God or promises him some good work. By fulfilling his vows he renders to God what has been promised and consecrated to Him. The Acts of the Apostles shows us St. Paul concerned to fulfill the vows he had made.

The Church recognizes an exemplary value in the vows to practice the evangelical counsels:

Mother Church rejoices that she has within herself many men and women who pursue the Savior’s self-emptying more closely and show it forth more clearly, by undertaking poverty with the freedom of the children of God, and renouncing their own will: they submit themselves to man for the sake of God, thus going beyond what is of precept in the matter of perfection, so as to conform themselves more fully to the obedient Christ.²⁴

The Church can, in certain cases and for proportionate reasons, dispense from vows and promises^. (CCC #2101-2103)

Private vows may be made to God, then, for a “possible” and “better” good, according to the Catechism. What is “possible” in this context? Possible has several meanings. One is that a person must be free to make the promise/vow. A married person is not free to vow “chastity” (as the vow of celibacy and continence is called) because the right to the procreative powers of his/her body belongs to his/her spouse. One must be the right age to make a binding vow/promise (the minimum/maximum age will differ according to the nature of the vow/promise). The person must have an understanding of what is being promised and have sufficient deliberation.

The “better” good can encompass a lot of things. A person can promise to fast. This is a “better” good only if it is both subjectively and objectively better for the person making the vow. So, objectively, fasting is a good thing. Subjectively, it can be bad or good depending on the person and his/her circumstances. A person with hypoglycemia probably should never do a strict fast or vow one because it is “bad” for their health. The reason the Pharisee’s fasting and almsgiving talked about in the Gospel could be bad is the motivation was for show and human praise rather than the glorification of God.

Now, should a person make private vows or promises of poverty, chastity, and obedience if they do not feel called to life as a religious, member of a secular institute, or diocesan hermit? That is a million dollar question, and for it, there is no pat answer. In discerning whether to assume private vows or promises with such life changing implications, a person should give the matter the serious thought, understanding, and deliberation appropriate for taking such an action. Some things which should be considered are:

A person should undertake the responsibilities pledged by vow or promise only if they are truly called to do so by God. One of the advantages of pursuing public vow(s)/promise(s) is that the Church herself through the ministry of others (bishop, community, potential spouse) discerns whether a person may be called to a particular way of life. The process of discernment is usually lengthy so that the individual can learn about the rights and responsibilities of the life he/she wishes to enter by vow and so that the bishop, person, or community can determine if they are a good fit. In other words, a lot more formation in the evangelical counsels is available to those who pursue canonically recognized vocations.

By the same token, discerning whether to pursue lifelong commitments made by private vows/promises can be more difficult because there isn’t that in built process of formation and guidance given to people thinking of canonically recognized vocations.

It is strongly recommended that the insight and advice of a competent spiritual director be sought if one is considering assuming a private vow(s) related to the evangelical counsels. This is to ensure that one is indeed truly called by God to make it(them), that the formula and matter is valid (for example, to vow “joy” is invalid because joy is not something that can be undertaken at will), that the scope of the vow is clearly spelled out and understood, etc.
Private vows may be dispensed or commuted by the proper authorities, not by oneself.

While all Christians are called to follow the evangelical counsels in a manner befitting their state in life, not all are called to vow their strict and more radical observance for the sake of the Kingdom. Hence, it is important that it is truly God’s will, not an individual’s inclination, that brings a person to make a vow of chastity. A person should exercise great caution in vowing poverty or obedience, because how they are actually lived out must be understood in accordance with tradition and how they are to be lived should be written out so that boundaries are clearly understood.

Normally, a person should not make a vow of obedience to their spiritual director. This is because the internal and external forums are distinct and should not be confused, and there is room for grave abuse when the forums are mixed. Nor should an individual ever make a vow of secrecy or silence (not to criticize their superior or keep the details of their spiritual life/practices secret).
A private vow/promise of chastity involves a person dedicating himself to the Lord. Thus a lay person who is under private vow/promise is a “dedicated” lay person. A person whose vows are public is a member of the “consecrated state”, and thus belongs to the state which in itself is neither lay nor clerical but consecrated. A person whose vows are semi-public (members of secular institutes make these vows or promises) is a “consecrated” lay person if lay or “consecrated” ordained person if ordained, but is not a member of the consecrated state unless he/she is also a member of a religious institute, a diocesan hermit, or a consecrated virgin. In other words, “dedicated” is one making one’s vows to God unmediated through the Church. “Consecrated” is one whose vows are mediated through the Church.

So, if a person, after suitable preparation, formation, testing, discernment, advice, etc. wishes to make a private vow of chastity, then what? Because the decision should not be made lightly, valid formulas will not be listed on this site, but should be sought from a priest, spiritual director, or other expert.

www.DoIHaveAVocation.com

Discerning to Death; Tapering One’s Discernment Towards Its Conclusion

Therese Ivers, JCL — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 01:19:45 +0000

by Therese Ivers, JCL

Way back in September, I was asked to help with an upcoming retreat for women discerning their vocations and who feel like they’re beating their heads on the wall “discerning to death”. This topic really resonated with me, and as I continue to prepare for this weekend’s retreat, I am seeing more and more how although there is plenty of literature giving pieces of information about the discernment process, there is hardly anything out there that talks about how to bring it to a peaceful conclusion. The goal of discernment is to figure out God’s will in one’s life, most particularly whether God is calling one to assume a lifelong commitment by virtue of ordination, vow, or consecration. In theory figuring out one’s vocation sounds pretty straightforward, but plenty of folks agonize over it, and some have never reached a practical conclusion as to whether there is a state in life they should pursue. How exactly does a person go from the beginning to the middle and then reach the end of vocational discernment?

Vocations and the Fairy Tale

Good fairy tales touch upon the deep desires of human beings. Some are about wealth as the reward of virtue and valor, a concept that even Our Lord uses in speaking about the reward of eternal life. Others talk about longevity and an absence from the ordinary woes of life (think immortality and the properties of risen bodies). The majority, however, are about romantic love in which after trial, the princess and the prince happily live together ever after. Again, this reflects the eternal betrothal between Christ and His Church…

Yet, it never ceases to amaze me when I am judging marriage annulment cases and we get someone under oath testifying that they thought that once they got married, everything would turn out great (despite the fact their spouse was abusively beating them daily during their courtship, they were both high on drugs most of the time, that they had two or three children before they decided to get officially hitched…) simply and solely because getting married in the Church was somehow going to magically make things different! It gets worse when they blame people in the Church for their failed marriage (why didn’t the priest stop us?)! How is it that the fairy tale of living happily ever after gets drummed into people’s minds when it comes to vocational choices? I will be forever happy if I marry that person… I will automatically be holy if I become a priest… As soon as I slip on that habit or religious life emblem, I’m gonna be floating around in prayer… It seems to me that good discernment starts with understanding that fairy tales are just that. Fairy tales.

The process of discerning a vocation starts with the realization that the process usually takes knowledge, dedication, and work. Knowledge is necessary to make informed choices. How much do you as a discerner know about the vocations open to you in the Church? It takes dedication to following the will of God. It also takes effort, or work.

One can say that the time of courtship, discernment for the seminary, convent, or other form of consecrated life, is normally a time of mutual discovery. It takes work, both on the part of the person making the decision to pursue a particular path or narrow it down to a path, and of the person(s) who admit that person into vows (think marriage, religious life, diocesan hermit life, and secular institutes), consecration (consecrated virgins) and ordination (diaconate, priesthood, and episcopacy). One who is discerning should work not only at improving knowledge about vocations, but self-knowledge so that obstacles and fears may be evaluated and addressed.

The Goal

The final goal of vocational discernment is to make vows, be consecrated or be ordained if this should be the Lord’s will. Yet, the immediate goal of the discerner should be to do what it takes to determine which path (if any) to which one seems to have a genuine call and make a decision to pursue it in a prudent fashion. That way, one can peacefully but purposefully pursue a possible call and offer oneself to a concrete person, diocese, order, or institute if one prudently and prayerfully determines they could be a fit. Of course a person should be “open” in that the other person, diocese, order, or institute may determine that it is not their vocation to be united with you in their particular path to holiness.

Religious Brothers

Therese Ivers, JCL — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 01:44:25 +0000

by Therese Ivers, JCL

One of our readers put in a request that we discuss the vocation of religious brothers. As a result, I would like to share a few thoughts on the vocation to religious brotherhood.

“Are we visiting the monkeys?” My brother asked this when he was about three years old. He was not talking about going to the zoo. Rather, he was referring to our practice of occasionally going to visit a local abbey on Sunday. This particular abbey has special significance for me. It was where I made a retreat before making my First Communion. It was also where I met “Brother Beekeeper”.

“Brother Beekeeper” was a monk who kept the abbey beehives. No doubt he did much more around the abbey, but I knew him as a super nice monk who showed us what he did with bees. I was writing an essay on beekeeping when I was about 11 years old, and since my neighborhood lacked bee hives, I went to the abbey because I remembered luscious honeycomb being served there for Sunday brunch they’d serve the abbot’s guests. There, this wonderful monk showed us the hives. We donned beekeeping outfits (much too big for my brother and I!) and we had a hands-on experience with beekeeping. We even extracted honey and learned that propolis (gunk bees glue to the entrance of their hives) was good for cuts. Brother Beekeeper even gave my family some honey we extracted and some of that propolis to take home as a souvenir of our trip.

Yes, monks were great in my books. One of the easiest place to find them is in an abbey. Interestingly enough, I’ve noticed that people become quite possessive of “their” monks when they live in a community blessed with a strong presence of monks. It is quite touching to hear in different parts of the United States about “The Abbey”, which means the local abbey. That goes for some of the more “monastic” brothers/monks.

With respect to more active brothers, I have only occasionally bumped into them in my travels around the U.S. They are scarce, with women religious outnumbering them oftentimes at a ratio greater than 10:1. One of my canon law classmates in Rome was a religious brother. He is a member of the Missionaries of Charity that Bl. Mother Teresa founded. He would come into class in his grey and light blue clothing and he was an asset to our class. My family has ties to some religious brothers in that some of us were educated by religious brothers in academic institutions run by them.

In some respects, I think that many Catholics tend to categorize men’s vocations into the priesthood and married states. There is an attitude that I have frequently encountered that if a man has a vocation, he should become a priest and not a brother. Somehow brothers are seen as “not as good as priests” or “wanna-be-priests” that didn’t make it. This is not the case at all! A brother is one called by God to live in community, taking the three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. His role is that of intercessory prayer before God and of service to His people. Some brothers are more contemplative, and others are more active. This is a lofty vocation which God calls some men to live. This is a particular and important role in our Church. Sadly, many are not aware of this call because if they think of vocation at all, they think in terms of the priesthood or married life.

So, who are religious brothers? Primarily, religious brothers are men who are assiduously devoted to prayer and contemplation. They are disciples of Christ. Their first duty is personal holiness and to give witness to the joy of living for Christ with their prayer and penance. Then, they may devote themselves to an apostolate in the abundance of their prayer life. You will see brothers such as my classmate working with the poorest of the poor. You will find others hard at work in their monasteries plowing fields or doing work to maintain themselves. The common thread in their lives is that they are men dedicated to the hard but sublime task of taking up the yoke of Christ, both for the good of their own souls and that of the rest of us.

Private Vows Of Poverty, Chastity, And Obedience

Therese Ivers, JCL — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:40:12 +0000

by Therese Ivers

For centuries people have been embracing the evangelical counsels and binding themselves to observe them by the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. The most common example we have of persons making these vows are the men and women who make their profession of vows as religious. These religious make what is known as public vows. Not all people, however, are called to make public vows, but instead elect to follow the evangelical counsels through private vows.

There is one primary difference between a public vow of poverty, chastity, or obedience and a private vow of poverty, chastity, or obedience. Public vows are made in a religious profession, or profession in the hands of the bishop of a diocesan hermit and have the effect of placing the individual in the consecrated state in the Church. Private vows are made outside of this context of Ecclesiastical acceptance and they do not change the canonical status of the individual making them within the Church.

Concretely, this means that if Mark would like to dedicate his life to Christ but does not feel called to enter religious life, join a secular institute (by making semi-public vows), become a diocesan hermit, or receive Holy Orders, he may consider whether he is called to make private vows. Making private vows, especially those of the evangelical counsels, is not something to undertake lightly and ought to be done only after careful consideration, prayer, and consultation with a spiritual director.

Vows made by members of Secular Institutes are what some people term “semi-public” vows. That means that they are not public vows which would place them in the consecrated state, but they are not totally private vows either because the Church recognizes these vows. Vowed members of Secular Institutes remain lay if they were lay and ordained if ordained, but they are in the world and are not in the consecrated state. You could call the lay members the true “consecrated lay people” of our Church.

One final thought. Vows can remain private even when made in a Church ceremony. An example of this can be when a priest receives private vows of an individual during Mass. Vows are also private (meaning they don’t put you in the consecrated state) if they are made in a Public Association of the Faithful, or a Society of Apostolic Life. The mere fact that a vow is made in front of other people does not make it public in the eyes of the Church. Members of any group that is not recognized in the Church as a religious institute who make vows in a ceremony or Mass in their community are not to consider themselves in the consecrated state because their vows are essentially private. Hence to call themselves consecrated men or women is misleading as they are not officially recognized in the Church as belonging to the consecrated state.

Consecrated Virgins In Today’s World

Therese Ivers, JCL — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:41:50 +0000

by Therese Ivers

Although I meant to discuss this vocation at a later date, I was contacted by certain individuals these past few days asking for further information and so it looks like it’s time to tackle this topic on consecrated virginity now.

Most of us equate “consecrated life” for religious life. However, there are forms of consecrated life which do not entail life as a religious. One of them predates religious life and was recently revived as a form of the consecrated state. It is consecrated virginity, the primary model being the Blessed Virgin Mary.

What is a consecrated virgin? Strictly speaking, a consecrated virgin is a female virgin who has received the consecration of virgins from the hands of her local bishop. “Similar to these forms of consecrated life is the order of virgins who, expressing the holy resolution of following Christ more closely, are consecrated to God by the diocesan bishop according to the approved liturgical rite, are mystically betrothed to Christ, the Son of God, and are dedicated to the service of the Church.”

The consecration may be given to religious and to those virgins living in the world. The Benedictines have the custom of allowing their virgin nuns to receive the consecration after some time elapses after their perpetual vows. The virgins living in the world live out their vocation under the direction of their diocesan bishop. They do not take public vows of poverty, chastity, or obedience, for the essence of their vocation is to be a bride of Christ as a perpetual virgin.

Just as a side note, once in a while I’ll bump into someone in Rome who talks about their consecrated virgin friends. These “consecrated virgins” usually are pious ladies who have made private vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, or even a vow of virginity. As they have not received the consecration of virgins at the hands of their bishop, they are not consecrated virgins strictly speaking, nor are they in the consecrated state. Hence it would be better if they did not refer to themselves as consecrated virgins and if they would encourage their friends to refrain from doing so as well.

A consecrated virgin is a bride of Christ. She becomes a “sacred person” and a sign of the next life by her spiritual betrothal to Christ. Her consecration is the bond which unites her to her Spouse and cannot be dissolved by any human power because her body and soul have been given over to Christ in perpetual virginity.

To be a consecrated virgin, one must be a female virgin (one who has not lost virginity through voluntary intercourse with a male) who has never married. She must be mature and capable of living out a life of prayer and penance. Of course, she must resolve on maintaining a life of perpetual virginity and only those who give proof of being able to do so can be admitted to the consecration.

In addition to the inquiries I received on the vocation of consecrated virginity, I also received a special communication from the American association of consecrated virgins that I would like to share with you here:
February 21, 2008, Commemoration of St. Peter Damian, Bishop and Doctor

Dear friends of consecrated virgins,

I come today with a special appeal, asking if you might consider helping a consecrated virgin from an economically distressed country attend the Rome 2008 International Congress-Pilgrimage for consecrated virgins in May. The gathering has been convoked by the Congregation for Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life, with a letter sent by Cardinal Rodé, Prefect, to Bishop-presidents of Episcopal conferences throughout the world.

This is sure to be an historic occasion for consecrated virgins, as we gather internationally for the second time in history, and are delighted to have the opportunity to be received in audience by Pope Benedict XVI. It will be a time of serious study of the vocation of consecrated virginity, a time of prayer in the major Basilicas of Rome, and a time of meeting and enjoying new friends from throughout the world.

We anticipate attendance by about 430 consecrated virgins from 40 different countries, and translations will be made available in English, French, German, Italian, and Spanish. Due to the nature of our individually lived vocation, all the expenses of travel, meals, housing, translation, etc. must be covered by registration fees charged to each participant. The cost is high, even for those in more developed nations. Due to the generous donations of consecrated virgins in this country, we have been able to offer needed assistance to anyone traveling from the United States.

At this time, the international planning team is aware of 31consecrated virgins – 3 from India, 5 from Poland, 5 from the Ukraine, 9 from the Czech Republic and Slovakia, 1 from Hungary, 2 from Algeria, 3 from Mexico, 3 from Costa Rica – who are in need of financial assistance. And we anticipate that there are others from Africa. Minimally, each of these virgins needs 220 Euro to cover meals for the six day stay so that they may dine with the group and enjoy this important time for relationships. In order to also be housed with the group, the needed assistance would be closer to 500 Euro per person. With an exchange rate nearing 1.5, this translates to a need of $325 to $740 per person.

If you or your diocese is able to assist with this need, you may make your tax-deductible contribution payable to USACV, 300 West Ottawa St., Lansing, MI 48933, indicating “Rome 2008 sponsorship.” Your sisters from around the world thank you in advance for your continued generosity in support of the renewal of the vocation of consecrated virginity lived in the world.

Judith Stegman, president

United States Association of Consecrated Virgins

If you can do so, I’d appreciate it if you would help these virgins from poorer countries to attend this congress in Rome by sending the association a donation to help cover their expenses. It is a lifetime event and I’m sure they would gratefully remember you in their powerful prayers. As for myself, I will be hosting a fundraising event in order to help them get the needed funds to bring at least one consecrated virgin here to Rome.

5 Mistakes To Avoid In Spiritual Direction For Those Discerning Their Vocation

Therese Ivers, JCL — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:00:11 +0000

by Therese Ivers

1^st Mistake – Choosing A Director With A Strong Bias Towards A Particular Way Of Life Or Spirituality

When Susie approaches her spiritual director who happens to be a Sister, she has the right to expect that this Sister will help her discern her vocation without pressuring Susie to join her religious institute. The primary purpose of a spiritual director is to help an individual to recognize and respond to the guidance of the Holy Spirit whether or not it benefits the spiritual director and his/her own institute directly. It would be nice to say that all spiritual directors and those giving advice on spiritual matters recognized and followed this principle of being fair, balanced, and not acting on a pre-set agenda, but this is not the case.